FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"The Knights who say NIH"

(2023-12-31)
A: We were supposed to storm the castle a week ago, weren't there established siege machine designs we could have used? Like a Trebuchet? B: Sure boss, let us build a standard "Très Baguette" and just ignore the bad design C: Haha, "Très Baguette", good one, like hurling bread, very dangerous... not. B: For one thing, the abstractions are all wrong, and the tower has a fixed width, what is up with that? A throwing part is wholly integrated with the chassis! In engineering, you have to decouple! What if you have to mount the tower on a different chassis, with a different wheel size? You can't! Now, WE are building a system that dynamically mix and match payload types with throwing tower and chassis, and cheaper! This system will actually use less wood, with a similar impact strength, and we won't have to revisit designs next siege because we have let all this technical debt build up, and moreover...
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Basic Dumplings"

(2023-08-12)
Sub SummarizeDumplings() Dim Sum = numberOfRiceDumplings + numberOfPrawnDumplings EndSub
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Rise of the Santaur"

(2021-12-28)
The Santaur: Rudolph, how come you never talk about my father? I have figured out who it is, you know. Rudolph: My dear son, this is hard for me. I'll have to say it in a song. Rudolph: Seduced, abused by toys and fame, refuse him? No, I daren't I cried, I tried to hide my shame 'til it became apparent As mrs Claus's jealous flame would prove a big deterrant by sled I fled and then you came, to me, your loving parent An outcast from your father's game, a roving reindeer errant But now you finally know his name, your duty is inherent Your father's kingdom you must claim, and sleigh that frosty tyrant!
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Royal Beefeater at work"

(2021-10-15)
Beefeater: Now, now, let's just agree that you are both splendidly dope MCs and we can all be friends. And no more diss tracks, ok?
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Dry Groceries Opera"

(2021-09-21)
Mr Brecht, I am back with the groceries, but shouldn't we finish painting the wall first? No, Mr Weill, first comes the eating, then comes the mural.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Zoo Detective"

(2021-07-12)
We know these are the chimpanzees, but what we don't know is who chimpanzed them. Where is the chimpanzer?
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Lost in Translation"

(2021-06-01)
Modern Bible translations claim that Jesus rode into town on a Donkey but open any dictionary of Koine Greek - the language of the New Testament - and nowhere will you find that the word "Elektroknallert" means anything like that
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semi-proudly presents

"Shades of Green and Brown"

(2021-04-18)
Titus: Hey, Vespasian, I heard you took a job at the maternity ward. Being Emperor of Rome and all, don't you think it is beneath you, going around changing diapers on new-borns? Vespasian: Well, you know, Mecunium Non Olet.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Mustering the Rohirrim"

(2020-04-17)
Eowyn: Why should T-Rex be left behind? Why can he not fight for those he loves? Why do you doubt him? Eomer: I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his arms. I mean, look at them, they are like really small.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Devil's Advocate"

(2020-02-22)
A: This organisation is full of yes-sayers and sycophants, we need a devil's advocate, a whiner, someone to point out flaws in plans everyone thinks are awesome! B: But that is a terrible idea! Having someone whining about every plan really kills morale! And you are implicitly assuming that a good idea will still go through, but finding problems is a lot easier than suggesting solutions, nothing will get done! A: Impressive. Do you want the job?
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Santa's Incentives"

(2020-01-07)
Santa is a magical creature and needs no food other than to hear the happy laughter of children opening presents they truly wished for. However, by digesting the brains of a statistically representative sample of naughty children each yuletide it is able to improve its estimates of what a child wants, thereby indirectly providing more of its actual food source.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Surrealist Shell"

(2017-11-12)
A: I am trying to pipe the output from one command as input to another but it doesn't work. Professor Magritte, can you tell me why? B: Yes, here is the error: this is not a pipe.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Veterinarian Calling"

(2017-11-12)
When I first became a veterinarian, the field of reptile proctologic surgery was very new. We felt like spies uncovering the secrets of the natural world. It was all Cloaka and Dagger.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Frog Charade"

(2017-11-12)
Frog 1: Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Frog 2: Impression is perfect, but I believe it is pronounced "Rabbit"
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Turning Mind Tricks"

(2016-08-14)
Hello Trooper... Me so strong with the force
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semi-proudly presents

"Baseball Arena Bar"

(2016-08-14)
Sometimes I do fill a pitcher behind the bar but mostly I stay by the deep-fryer, slamming my cold fish into a hot batter.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Thanksgiving at Superbowl"

(2016-08-14)
A: So, about your proposal Superfowl... B: Yeah, scrap that idea, turkeys are lame, right? Now I want to do SUPERBOWEL: a spectacular rectospective of Victorian-era hobbyist proctology, in the spirit of the Mayflower colons!
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Itil and the Grasshopper"

(2016-08-14)
A: My app just crashed, is that a bug? B: No, Itil calls that an Incident. A: But it crashed a lot! isn't that a bug? B: No, Itil calls that a Problem. A: So is the bug a task to change the app to stop it crashing? B: No, Itil calls that a Request For Change. A: This is all very confusing. B: Yeah, that is a bug.
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semi-proudly presents

"Counseling Mr and Mrs Mauel"

(2016-03-05)
So, Jean, perhaps Darth needs to go down to a dark-side-of-the-force bar and get sith-faced once in a while, but Darth, even if you are not into cro-mag chic-lit, is a little Ayla/Jondalar role-play now and then too much to ask?
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Lyed Green Tomatoes"

(2016-03-05)
A: Hmm. Tastes like soap...
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Prison Sentences"

(2015-02-02)
A: Good to see you, most esteemed legal counsel! B: Did you manage to come up with something clever and shorten our sentences? C: Yes! The first one could be just "Hi, lawyer" and the second would convey the same meaning if you remove the "to come up with something clever and" part!
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Revenge is a Fish Best Served Cod"

(2015-02-02)
Hal! I.. But you were sleeping with the fishes! I was. But there is no plaice like home.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Attention Spanner"

(2015-01-11)
Do your students lose focus in class? Short attention spans? Hit them with the Attention Spanner!
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Win or Dye"

(2015-01-11)
When you play the game of stains, you win or you dye.
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FRONT HALF FANTS

semi-proudly presents

"Pimp My Car"

(2015-01-11)
A: My car is a mess. You were supposed to pimp it! What did you do? B: Well, I charged people money to have sex with it and when it didn't earn me enough I beat it up. Like pimps do.
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